


The Path to Healing

by Emriel



Series: Jenova's Call [18]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Cloud Strife Needs a Hug, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Light-Hearted, M/M, Prelude to Remake, Resolution, The Lifestream (Compilation of FFVII), Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:08:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24888139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/pseuds/Emriel
Summary: When Sephiroth revives through Kadaj, Cloud Strife defeats him yet again. The experience leaves him haunted at Sephiroth's promise of return. He finds himself still unable to cope and a hopeful Aerith decides to intervene, giving our poor little hero a shove into the right direction. She arms herself with an incredible plan that she hopes would heal him. Even just a little. And Cloud can't say no.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Jenova's Call [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786561
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	The Path to Healing

Even after being killed for perhaps the third time, not counting the clones, Cloud could still feel Sephiroth’s hatred. It was never ending, like a river. It just seemed to go on and on.

His anger could be felt, like an echo in the background. His voice, still lingering like a disease. And Cloud had grown used to it, wondering if it was not Sephiroth calling from the dead but his own head that was the problem. He had hoped the rain cured him of his influence but it was _still_ there.

Right now he was tending to the flowers that managed to sprout next to the pond of water in Aerith’s Church. He’d taken to calling it that because it belonged to her. She was ever present in these halls.

It brought him comfort to be there. As if she was just there beside him.

His inbox was filled with messages from Tifa wondering where he was but she probably knew he was there. Where else would he go really? It's not like he had anyone else, or anything else left. So if it wasn't with her, it was Aerith.

Staying in Seventh Heaven didn’t always go well. It was peaceful, but it also left him with the heavy weight of responsibility.

First there was Denzel. He loved the little guy, but being his father figure wasn’t cut out for him. He was just…a guardian. Saving him out of impulse but unable to carry on the task of actually caring for the kid.

He’d take in more strays if he could, just so other children wouldn’t need to feel the sadness of having to grow up alone but Tifa warned him if he was not prepared to do the job, he shouldn't.

But maybe he was just doing that to soothe his own pain. Shinra, Meteorfall, Geostigma. All of these tragic events left many children homeless. But Tifa was right, he had his own hands full trying to take care of himself and instead of actively taking the role, he dumped it all to her when he couldn't handle it. And _then_ there was Tifa's own unrequited feelings which was something he wasn't ready to face.

But she was patient if anything and maybe, one day, he'll be able give her a definite answer so they could stop dancing around each other or ignoring her feelings. But Cloud loved her in his own way. The brotherly platonic kind of love.

Sephiroth took a lot of things from him, but at the same time, it was because he was chasing after him that he gained other things he never had before, like friends, comrades, and half adopted kids like Denzel and Marlene.

And here he was staying away from them. To keep them safe. At least, that was his excuse.

.

.

.

He was scooping water out of the pond and using his hands to water the plants. The yellow flowers were accompanied by newly sprouted purple flowers. After the Geostigma was healed, the pond stayed there, always available to whoever needed it. But, it also started sprouting strange plants with vines and thorns.

More of them started coming. He was wondering if he should call in the Turks who might be able to make potions out of them.Who knew?

He wasn't a botanist. But he gave himself the job of caring for them. Aerith adored the flowers so much and repeatedly told him not to step on it. Or was it Zack?

Sometimes he still couldn’t figure out which memory was his and which wasn’t.

.

.

.

He was getting ready to sleep on his makeshift bed. A bunch of cardboard piled on top of each other when he heard _her_.

“Cloud?”

That voice. Was he dreaming again?

“No you’re not, silly.”

It was Aerith alright and Cloud felt the strange urge to soak in the pond. Somehow subconsciously, he knew that it’d be easier to talk to her there.

He removed his shoes, socks, and started rolling up his pants, then his bare feet entered the pool. A part of him felt lighter already.

“So…?” He called out.

It was still weird to hear her voice, but lately, he was getting used to her unexpected presence. It would still be better if she was actually alive but that was a whole can of worms he was afraid to open.

“Well, you were thinking about him. And it just so happened that I also needed your help with _him_ in particular.”

“...Sephiroth?” Cloud asked out loud. Hoping that by saying his name, he wouldn’t have to see him reappear out of nowhere.

And moments passed. No Masamune. The Sun was still up. And the church was still silent, except for the sound of the water moving around because he was pushing his legs back and forth lazily.

In the safety of Aerith’s presence, the world felt peaceful. Safe.

“Yes. You see. I’ve been trying my best to figure out something. The planet is starting to heal itself. Slowly, but it's getting there. I’ve talked to the lingering memories in the Lifestream, trying to understand what else I have to do, and many of them agreed to help me. You see Cloud, I... It's weird. I’ve always wondered what made me different. Why is it, despite dying, I’m still… me. I’m still the Aerith you know, except I’m not… The planet doesn’t know as well, what my purpose is. But I think it has something to do with you. I'm sure of it.”

Cloud scratched his head. He’d been to the Lifestream once and his experience wasn’t a happy one. The last time he was there, he almost died. And previous to that, he had to rescue Tifa who almost lost herself in the anger of the departed. Those who suffered greatly before they died.

He wasn’t an expert about the Lifestream, but from his experience people's consciousness, monsters, ghosts, and who knows what, were all gathered there. To think that Aerith could somehow rouse them to her side, it was just like her.

“So where does he tie into all of this?”

Aerith wavered before she sighed.

“I… was wondering. If you still hate him?”

Cloud asked himself the question.

The last time Sephiroth came back, his words were…

_“On your knees. I want you to beg for forgiveness. Shall I give you despair? Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away.”_

The words were still branded inside his head.

Years of torment under the insane man’s alien influence that caused him debilitating breakdowns. Torching Nibelheim. Killing his mother in cold blood.

“Yes.”

Was that even a question?

“Well… I guess you would still hate him. But you see… even when I’ve done my best to heal everyone I met in the Lifestream, there’s still one person who doesn't want my help, who stayed out of my influence… and that’s Sephiroth. And his hatred grows even stronger. And it’s all focused on the planet, and you, Cloud. Your hate keeps on calling Sephiroth back, and I know this is a lot to ask, but have you thought about, umm... forgiving him?”

Cloud wanted to curse.

"I mean, maybe it's never going to happen. But I want you to try. Like you did with Reno for example. You forgave him right?"

"That's different. Reno's different. He's sorry at least."

"You're right."

She sighed. And a drop of water fell from the roof down Cloud's nose. And Cloud propped his feet next to the edge, leaning his head against his knee.

He watched his reflection on the ripples of the water.

“How can I even forgive that bastard?” He asked almost grumpily.

“Oh… maybe… because not everything… is his fault?”

His leg slipped back into the water and Cloud had to hold himself straight before he fell.

“You!? He summoned Meteor just so he could harvest the Lifestream for himself... so he can become a God if he isn’t already one. You were there... He... I... Gaia. With his sword. Killed you. Don’t you think he’s done too much to be forgiven?”

And Cloud could almost see her shaking her head. Her braids wagging behind her.

“Oh Cloud. There’s a difference… maybe it’s too early for this after all, and your heart… is still so fragile. You see, time passes here differently in the Lifestream than it does there and despite being still me, I’ve grown old. But I’m still young. I feel Ancient!”

Cloud found it difficult not to smile a little at her small idea of a joke.

“So… I’ve learned that _forgiveness_ is something that _you_ have to do for _yourself_. When you forgive someone, you come to terms about what happened. You… let go of the past. It doesn’t make it any less wrong. What that man did is worse than what any one of us can ever do. I have no words for him. I condemn it myself. His existence is wrong. His ideas are wrong. But… I’ve forgiven him, Cloud. Because I don’t want to let it define who I am. With the way you are now, you are clinging to that hatred, and that solidifies your… bond. It hurts you deep inside and you'll never be able to heal. Not like this.”

Cloud pursed his lips.

“I am not clinging to him. I never did.”

“But how many times do you think of Sephiroth in a day? In a week?…"

Cloud didn't want to answer the question. How many times was Sephiroth ever in his mind? The short answer was…

_Always._

"See? You see him everywhere. And you can't stop thinking about him because you’re so angry. You’re afraid to let anyone in, because you’re afraid he’ll come back and steal them away from you. It’s like… you’re allowing him to exist in your shadow.”

Cloud nodded with great hesitation. He was taking the time to process Aerith's words. Accepting the explanation and wondering what else he was doing wrong.

But it was difficult and thinking about forgiveness only brought rage inside his heart.

“I know. I know it’s not going to be easy. So… you might not like this, but I have made a special arrangement. It took a lot out of me but I'm hoping it's worth it. Just for the two of you. Promise me you’ll try and at the very least hear him out.”

“What do you mean, Aerith? Aerith! Hey!”

And Cloud was swallowed by the white of the Lifestream.

…

* * *

…

“ _ **Puppet**_.”

There he was, with his black wing and his leather uniform, looking the same way as he did when he just ran him through with First Tsurugi. Unharmed. Smug. Inhuman and taunting. The bastard that couldn't stay dead.

Cloud reached out behind him and realized he didn’t have a sword.

“Sephiroth.”

The man just smirked, before saying, “Your flower girl has offered me an interesting proposition.”

“Well, she’s gone crazy. I don’t know what you did to make her say those things to me but I’m telling you it’s not gonna work,” Cloud accused.

“While I prefer to spill your blood, I have given my word not to. Settle down. Even I think this arrangement she made might be worthwhile. Let us talk... As plebeian as that might seem. Come, sit beside me.”

And the white of the Lifestream around them suddenly turned into a field of flowers.

The sky was so blue and white clouds dotted it. Mountains and twittering birds. The sea stretching for miles and miles.

Sephiroth was looking at him expectantly, without a care at the sudden change of scenery.

Cloud went on auto pilot and soon found himself sitting beside the source of his nightmares.

“The Ancient has offered me Peace.”

Cloud hesitantly looked at Sephiroth’s face who looked serene and almost unmarred by the madness that usually clung to him like poison.

“Why?”

“Do you think I do not deserve peace?”

Cloud pursed his lips in thought, and his blue eyes narrowed, “With all that you’ve done, you’re asking me that?”

Sephiroth looked away then.

“Peace is a fragile thing. It is something to be had and destroyed. I intend _permanence_ to my existence. Something peace cannot give. I hold on to hate for that very reason.”

Cloud stretched out his legs and sighed.

“That’s honestly beyond me.”

“You were always such a simple thing. That is why I found it easy to manipulate you.”

“Well fuck you.”

And in a moment, Sephiroth was leaning over him, a hungry look on his eyes and Cloud felt fear creep out. He was almost lulled by the sense of _peace_ the place has given him.

He almost forgot who he was dealing with.

“Puppet. Your mind is in such a fragile state… so close to breaking. Do not tempt me to _play_ with you.”

“Funny you and Aerith are saying the same thing. I’m not as fragile as you think,” Cloud pushed Sephiroth away and Sephiroth merely held Cloud’s hand and placed it over where his heart would have been.

There was no heartbeat.

“What else did she tell you?”

“That you keep coming back because I hate you. And you hate me. Wait, why am I even saying this?”

Sephiroth smirked, “The Lifestream is a place where you cannot tell lies. You and I both will speak to each other with _complete_ honesty."

"Gaia, I don't even get a say in this."

"She betrayed your confidence. She is wrong about one thing though, I do not hate you, Cloud. What I feel for you, goes beyond hate.”

“Well, I’m tired of fighting you,” Cloud almost growled.

There was a part of him that just wanted to punch Sephiroth and start brawling. If he couldn't fight with his sword, then at least with fists.

“Then why don’t you join me?”

At this Cloud hesitated, a little thrown off and then shook his head, “Never. Not in a Million years.”

Sephiroth straddled him then.

“What are you doing? Get off me.”

But Cloud was already feeling unnerved and could feel his cheeks warm up. Sephiroth's green eyes were staring deep into his. The curtain of his hair, falling around them covering the sun, and putting him under his shadow.

So close to his face, Cloud could feel his breath against his skin.

“I know there is a part of you that desires me. You worshiped my existence. You wanted to become me. You sought for my approval, and you clung to my image, in order to grow stronger… No one else put me on such a high pedestal as you did. You desire me, puppet.”

Cloud opened his mouth and closed it like a fish.

“You cannot lie.”

“Even if I respected you in the past, when you went mad you lost all of that. There is nothing in me…”

“Nothing?”

And Cloud felt lips pressed down at him.

And it was as if Cloud's mind short circuited. He lay there, unresponsive.

Sephiroth leaned back and slowly opened his eyes, smiling slowly, sensually, and Cloud couldn’t speak.

He was completely frozen.

“Did you just?” Cloud touched his lips, and glared.

“It was a test. To see if you would respond to your heart’s desire. Your hate for me runs deep. But that is not all that you feel is it?”

Cloud found the strength to push Sephiroth away then. He resisted the urge to call out Aerith’s name for help, because of his damn pride.

He was able to handle a mass murdering psychopath before. Killed him more times he could count.

This strange version of Sephiroth in the Lifestream was nothing compared to the feeling of dread he had back when Sephiroth was alive.

But at the same time, he was terrified because this was uncharted territory.

“Don’t try that again,” Cloud warned and hoped it was enough to keep the madman away.

Sephiroth merely inclined his head.

.

.

.

And the man was almost expectant. As if waiting for a reply. As if he’d answer _that_ question.

But the Lifestream was also an insistent thing and before long the question repeated in his mind.

_That is not all that you feel is it? You cannot lie. I know there is a part of you that desires me. Desires me. Desires. You cannot lie.  
_

Gaia. It almost gave him a headache.

“ _Fine_. You’re right. I hate you. But I also wished you didn’t do what you did. I felt _betrayed_. You were my _hero._ I looked up to you. And I felt sad to see you fall. I was there, when you locked yourself up in the library, and no matter how many times Zack or I tried to get you out… You didn’t listen. And even to this day, I feel regret… that maybe if we were able to stop you then… maybe this whole tragedy wouldn’t have happened. Maybe Zack wouldn’t have died protecting me. Maybe you’d be fighting Shinra instead. Or with us. I don't know. But, you wanted to be with your stupid Alien Mother."

At this Sephiroth frowned but Cloud kept going, "And that’s fucked up and sad. And I hated you for being so weak… And then…”

“Go on, Cloud… tell me everything.”

Sephiroth was leaning closer.

Cloud hesitated.

“You… when I was your puppet. I felt… different. Wanted. Somehow. You praised me. And it felt like my _mom_ … when she was praising me. You took that away from me and you gave it back because you said, that was the real me. That I was perfect that way. And I hated it. And I liked it. But Gaia, I don't know. It left me so confused. I still don’t know why you singled me out. I knew, at any moment in time with your clones, you were stronger. You could’ve killed me. I always wondered why instead of just destroying me when I was weak, you were trying to help me become _stronger_. I thought that all this time, you just wanted me to become a stronger pawn. For you and Jenova.”

Cloud tried to stop himself from speaking out loud but it was like the truth was being pulled out in his head, like a leaking faucet.

“But. Whenever we fought. You never used our connection against me. It would have been easy. I never understood why. Sephiroth? You should have killed me easily. Many many times. But you didn’t. And then… When I finally gave in to you... I have no memory of it… I don’t know what you did. Or why you let me go. You could have kept me as your loyal puppet. My mind was finally yours. I gave you the Black Materia. Twice. And you let me go?”

Sephiroth’s eyes seemingly softened.

“There was a part of me that was content to be yours. I have betrayed all my friends. I was afraid of you, for having this much control over me. And I wondered if it was because I wanted it myself. Or… because you were stronger than me. And I’m still guilty that I let you win. Aerith died because of you. And I tried so hard to hate you then. When you were mocking her death. I just wanted you to shut up. Because you wouldn’t even acknowledge I _had_ feelings. That to me, my feelings, my sadness was non-existent. I hated that. And I hated how I couldn’t go after you after killing Aerith because I was scared you’d use me again, to kill my friends.”

And by then Cloud felt the raw pain of it, coming back to him. He inhaled a shaky breath, thoroughly affected.

“You… you want to take away the things I cherish… but why? Haven’t you taken enough already? I care about my friends. The planet. Its people. The trees, flowers, heck even monsters. Are you going to take away all of that? Will you keep trying? I always wondered why it was me who survived. I’m no hero. Zack should have lived. Aerith should have lived. You should have fought Jenova. And so I hated you. It felt easier to blame you for all that happened. Even when I knew you were just a victim of Shinra. Of Hojo. Like me… I couldn’t… These feelings… I can't deal with them. Do you know what it feels? To be so haunted by you?”

“Shh…”

Sephiroth pulled Cloud to him, in a loose embrace.

“Why are you even trying to comfort me, you bastard?”

“It is something I wish to do. I desire everything of yours. And this moment will forever remain in your memories. It is something you’ll remember me for...”

Cloud tried to keep the tears in but eventually he broke down.

“I’m tired. Of fighting. Won’t you just let me go? Let me rest. Please?”

Sephiroth ran his hands on Cloud’s hair. And Cloud was too tired to fight back after his outburst.

“It’s not that simple, Puppet,”

“Call me Cloud,” Cloud said almost petulantly, struggling to wipe his tears. He pushed against the man but Sephiroth held him there, securely. Wrapping arms around his captive possessively. Looking all too smug but Cloud couldn't even see his expression.

“Cloud. All that lets me exist in the Lifestream are the feelings that you harbor for me and those of others. The strength of your desire… keeps me alive. If you wish to know the truth, I do not hate you, Cloud. Far from it. I pity you. Mother pities you and all that lives in Gaia. As my Puppet, I could have saved you, but you were so eager to return to your friends. You were the only one of the Clones that Hojo has created, a failure, and yet a miracle that survived to do my bidding. When you stabbed me with my own Sword, perhaps then, I cursed your existence… For how can someone so weak defeat me?”

Sephiroth paused and placed his head atop the blonde’s.

“However, in the Lifestream. I have learned that this was meant to be. I was destined to die by your hand, always. And I will always fall to what you call madness and what to me feels like the truth. There are many versions of me in many worlds. I have gleaned their thoughts and their memories. I have seen that the Planet will die with or without my interference. And yet, I am to be its only survivor, for I am the only one that has fully accepted Mother’s Legacy. When I was once human, I was once _a_ puppet too. This world of yours only follows one script, one ending. My friends betray me. I lose my humanity after learning the truth of my existence”

“What do you mean?” Cloud pushed himself away and looked at Sephiroth who was looking down at him.

“Even now, this conversation of ours will not matter for this World is already headed towards ruin. Nothing can stop it unless you break free from destiny. You think I am the enemy, when I am just an unwilling participant, in this shallow game you call life. You are not wrong in your belief,”

Sephiroth caressed his face and Cloud could see conflicting emotions there. To see it with his own eyes. It felt like an illusion.

“I intended to make you stronger. Through suffering. You were to stand beside me. The planet always interfered in this. Before I can offer you a choice, you are spirited away into the Lifestream, washed away of my influence… And I have no one else but Mother.”

Cloud feels honestly confused. Was Sephiroth lonely? Of fighting against the planet all by himself? Why was he fighting the planet...?

“The Ancient only knows of the present. But she has not seen the future like I did… And I have seen you die countless times, content to follow through the Will of the Lifestream. Rejecting my call. Mother’s offer _of_ immortality… I’d rather destroy you. But instead I toy with your life. You were interesting. And I wished to have you. An unattainable wish. An object of my desire. Many people seem to think it is hate, and perhaps it is _hate_ that ties us after all. I hate the planet, and I hate what is fated to happen.”

Cloud tried to process all these words but couldn’t somehow. Something was preventing him from fully grasping what Sephiroth meant.

“But don’t worry. I _have_ found a way to fix this. To break this cycle. Soon, Cloud. This senseless suffering will end.”

…

“Aren’t you tired too? Hating the planet. Hating everyone... Hating me? I… I still don’t understand you.”

Sephiroth smiled, “Perhaps, it is easier to think of it in human terms. There is a thin line between love and hate. And I do not _hate_ you, Cloud. I have said it once before, whatever happens to the planet, is up to you. I would have never given you the choice had I not cared.”

* * *

.

.

.

Cloud finds himself drowning in a pool of water. Sputtering.

It takes a moment to reorient himself and clutch at his chest. Trying to calm his pounding heartbeat. The heat of his cheeks.

“Aerith!”

He calls out to the empty church.

There was only a tinkle of laughter.

He waded out of the pool and on to the flowers, almost tempted to stamp on it until he saw there was one lone black feather and Cloud stared at it transfixed.

**_There is a thin line between love and hate. And I do not hate you, Cloud._ **

_._

_._

_._

“Gaia. That Bastard… This is… Aerith! I know you’re there.”

She appeared again, this time, by the door. Zack was waving beside her, a cheeky looking smile on his face.

He had never been so confused in his life. He had so many questions he still wanted to ask and it was cut short. _On purpose too_. He was going to have a heart attack.

“So, do you think you can forgive him, Cloud?”

And Cloud knew the answer to that. There was still a long way to go, but it’s a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and constructive criticism are welcome!


End file.
